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Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Repeat indefinitely. This will get better. Once everything is sorted you will find a new rhythm. And once you have a little more experience with the new arrangement you'll be better able to set some boundaries.

I know that you have lots of experience working in a family situation as a professional nanny but I think that in your situation you need to have a firm signed contract of responsibilities and policies with the caregiver. I've been the family that employed the nannies during a large portion of my children's life and I think we were all more comfortable that we didn't step on toes when we knew upfront what the expectations were, like how many days notice do you need if she needs time off or a change in schedule for a day. I'm all for being flexible but the first day of work is not the time for the employee to need you to invoke that flexibility. It sounds like this job may be overwhelming for Tokasa and that she really didn't understand the level of care required or the level of decision making she would be required to do.

I once had a nanny who would do absolutely everything I asked her to do but could not figure out that if these activities or chores needed to be done on day one they were probably also good for day two or three day, too. We had to do a retraining every single morning of what the plan of the day would be. She was just incapable of taking initiative or maybe she was terrified of making a mistake so she never did anything without explicit instruction or permission. When we parted company I think we were both relieved. This sounds a bit like Tokasa with her interaction with the home health nurse - she made the phone call and relayed the message but didn't want to be held responsible for the answer.

But for now - breathe in, breathe out. Namaste.


Oh thank you thank you!!! xoxox

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