Busha Full Of Grace

Slip Sliding Away

The more you near your destination the more you're slip sliding away.

That song keeps rolling through my brain.  Yesterday Brooke and I attended Jill's memorial service. Old friends.  Jill Too young to die.  Generations stepping up and stepping down.  Family history gathered in a windowed room atop the mountain at the little country club.  Babies with babies taller than I. 

Jill was my sister.  My guide.  Good Bud.  Disco Dancing Queen.  Goddess of the feather buff.  Partner in crime.  The laughter that made my stomach ache. 

Jill's daughters gave me a beautiful photo collection on CD of their mama throughout the years.  I remember this moment...Jill, Mike, Jami, Brooke and me (8 months pregnant with Shannon) during a camping trip in Yosemite, waiting for the ponies.

And this one as we left the Countess Dandini's mansion, giddy with that sense of luxury beyond anything we had ever known...

Young mamas.  Too young.  Both married.  Both divorced.  Both remarried.  Co parents, really, through that tumultuous time of learning just how to grow up.  She was my guide.  She knew how to make a home.  She was an amazing mama during those early years and did everything so well that I wanted to be just like her.  Jill just knew how to make it good for the babies.  She was my son's Godmother.  She made babies smile, friends laugh, and pissed men off.  Naive.  Gorgeous.

Somewhere in these last 20 years we lost one another.  Slip slided away.  Our paths diverged and I woke up from the enchanted sleep of my fairy tale as Earth Mama and Jill awoke as Biker Mama.  How in the world?  Destiny speaks. 

A very bright eyed, warm woman approached me yesterday and asked if I was Marianne.  She went onto say that she was Joelle, Jill's best friend from the second half of her life.  She said that Jill adored me and spoke often and highly of me.  That her respect for me was immense. And right there was the model of true friendship.  Up and down and here then not, but equal reciprocity living in both hearts and memories throughout the years of drought.  True service from sister to sister.  Soul sisters.

About a year ago our daughters planned a get together so we could catch up on all the missed time.  And Jill cancelled at the last minute because she wasn't feeling well.  And I, like so many of us, let the making of new plans  go far too long.  Then I got the email from Jami on Friday night telling me of her mama's passing.  She went Suddenly.  In the night.  Good thing, Jill Griffin Romo Hayes.  Had we seen one another you woulda gotten a ration of shit from me regarding the dangers of big motorcycles.  Good thing, Blondie.

Jill Marie Griffin

I just found out today that my "Good Bud" passed away suddenly.  I'm so sad she cancelled that last get-together.  Rest in peace, dear sister.

My Little Ones

Temple

Satchel

Fiona

Ike

Ripe

It's a glorious time of year.  The garden is waxing lush just as the children have grown in leaps and bounds before my eyes....creating bonds of friendship, trying on resolution to conflicts, developing logical thinking skills.  Oh how they have grown.  Today was gardening day and Lars and Gioia spent nearly an hour in the sweetpea covered cold-frame, chatting gaily...in German, non-stop.  Teacher had no idea what they were saying.  (Yikes?)

Out in the big garden several children were using amazing critical thinking skills as they built a very balanced "fort" made from log ends, wheelbarrows, chairs, lattices and stumps.  Perhaps it may look like a jumbled mess to you, but I get so excited as an educator when I witness this clever creating.  A little mind that thinks creatively creates such fertile soil for future academia.  These will be enthusiastic, eager learners.  And everytime they solve a question posed by the building process, more synapses reach one another in their brain.  Every time.  Miracles happen.  THAT is why I am such a proponent of play-based learning.

Once their fort was complete it became a zoo, and they made animal food from chalk dust, grasses, gravel and water.  The cooperation with which they worked made me smile from deep within.

The "food" was served from the wheel of my handtruck.  (Oh well.)

Then, sweet porridge and raisins with rice milk together with joy. 

Yes.  We are ripe for the moving on.  I am so complete with the knowing of these little ones I am sending on to kindergarten.  And I treasure the next year I will have with those who have one more year...to ripen on the vine.

So What's Up?

Things are turning around.  One good thing about Prednisone is the fact that not only do my lungs heal from inflamation, but something happens in my nose-that-rarely-smells-anything and I can smell and taste most everything.  The jasmine, the new house, the bread baking this morning, Temple's hair when they came to pick up Satchel from school...the YUMMY spaghetti sauce one of my great moms, Julia, brought to school today for Camille and I to have for dinner.  I slept for 3 hours after school (my system is just wanky), had dinner, and now I'm rarin' to go and begin organizing the new house.  Thing is, I need to follow through with my commitment to take care.  I will, I will.  I promise.  Thanks for all the thoughtful well-wishers.  I write without expectation of response, so it's always such a great surprise to realize folks actually read my blog.

Oh, one other thing.  I'm reading a book about Feng Shui and prosperity.  When my friend, Charlene, lent me the book, she told me to put things that are full of life in my prosperity corner.  I hung my favorite wind chime, as well as placing a plant that I have kind of been ignoring, and giving it lots of love and care.  But as I got into the book, another one of the assignments was to place an object that represents wealth into my prosperity corner of the house.  I truly have been thinking about this for days and could not  think of one material thing, one "object", that would make me feel more wealthy. I really already was content with what I have.  Don't puke.  I'm not being sickening, I'm just pretty content. I need comfort and I need beauty and I'm sorrounded by it.  What I want is the prosperity to never have to worry about a bill or a payment again. The prosperity to help out those I love.  And those I don't even know.  I want to create peace and comfort and beauty with my prosperity.  And then it came to me.  A photo of my stay at Stewart Hot Springs.

 http://bushafullofgrace.typepad.com/trying_to_get_it_right/2007/09/toads-wild-ride.html

While there I felt truly wealthy in every way.  I had no worries.  I was at peace. 

Hold That Thought

I spent the whole day yesterday, in bed, recovering and reading.  Zak's girlfriend, Heather, spent the week with us last week, to help us out with the moving and the preschool.  So on Friday afternoon, as planned, I drove her home to Oakland.  She needed to be there for a 6pm class.  We made it in perfect time.  While I was chatting with Zak my asthma began to act up.  I was sure it was from all of the dust and mold of moving.  My system is very sensitive to both.  As I drove home in Friday night gridlock up 80 through Oakland and Berkeley, it got worse.  So much so that I decided as I crossed the bridge that I needed to stop at the emergency room in San Rafael.  Long story short, I was there for over three hours and received 5 breathing treatments as well as some other meds.  The doctor said I was stable enough to leave ( he actually said, "split") but he recommended more treatments because there was a lot going on in my lungs.  I couldn't stay any longer cause Harry-The-Weiner-Dog had now been in the car since 3:30. I got home about 10pm and that was the beginning of a very long night.  Have you ever tried to sleep with gallons of albuterol and prednisone pumping through your body?  I was a crazy woman.  Tossing and turning until I was rolled up in my bedding like a sausage.  Needless to say, in the morning I was pooped.  I did something I never do....

I got up ready to begin unpacking and organizing and really realized just how much I needed to rest.  So I made peace with a useless day of unfinished goals (a huge mess everywhere), hired someone to do the final cleaning at my old house so the tenants could move in today, and propped myself up in bed and read The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, cover to cover.  What.  A.  Memoir.  What a lesson in forgiveness and unconditional love.  At each pause in my reading I sat and contemplated her life.  I carried her family with me as  I sat in the sunshine and threw the ball for Harry. They lived in my thoughts as  I washed a few dishes and napped.  I couldn't put the book or their trials down, or thoughts of it out of my mind.  And this morning I find myself browsing through the pages for  recounts of certain events.  A poignant story of survival beyond belief.  A must read for whiners who think they have it bad.  (I say, looking in the mirror.)

On another note, I miss Shannon and the kids terribly this morning.  Sundays were our days to hang out because Isaac always worked 1 to 10.  They left on Thursday morning and last I heard they were in Cheyenne, Wyoming, and Ikey wanted to go home to Grampy's house ( they lived with Shannie's dad while here).  Ike  and I had a sleepover last Tuesday night, the last night before he left.  He was excited because my new house didn't have a bathtub, only a shower.  He got to take a shower. 

 And when he wanted popcorn and orange juice instead of the rice, squash and spareribs I cooked for dinner, he got it. 

We laughed and laughed because instead of whining or scratching, harry was licking the door to let us know he wanted to get back in.  I had to take this photo because I am making a photo book for Ike to have in Chicago.  I caught it perfectly!

And when he climbed into my bed and saw the beautiful rose Heather had put on my bedside table, he said it was beautiful. 

And when I awoke to his sweet sleeping face, I said it was beautiful. 

And I had to capture all these moments on my camera, because that's what I do.  My kids tell me I'm a dork.  But that's what I do.  .  Because I need visuals of these moments.  Because, like I said, I really miss them this morning.

The Fairy Tale Fence

The garden fence is complete with the exception of the gate.  It is exactly what I dreamed up.  It is so whimsical and natural.  It keeps the hens out yet the children can enjoy every minute of its glory. 

 

The Power Of Ten

A favorite new blog friend, Beth, http://bethmaddaus.blogspot.com/, played this game last week and I was intrigued.  After all, it is Memorial Day Weekend and I have always longed to be one of those people who officially welcomed the summertime with a vacation over this long weekend.  Not so for teachers.  It is the end of the school year, by far the second busiest time of the year (the beginning being the first).  Even moreso, for a teacher who is moving this weekend getting away is absolutely out of the question.  So, I will take a little ten minute power vacation and play this game now.

The Power of Ten

Ten Years Ago I thought I was in love with a Navy Seal and planning a move to Marin County with him.  My dad was still alive, and he was tickled bv the fact that this guy was a Navy man, from the south, like him.  I was ending a job at one school and hired to teach at a new school in Novato.  None of my children were married and 3 were still living at home.  We had a new rotweiller puppy named ZsaZsa.

Ten Months Ago I was working like crazy preparing my own school to open in September.  I was planning a roadtrip up Highway 5, a mini R&R, to Stewart Hot Springs, Mount Shasta, and Ashland, Oregon.  I had two four year old grandsons and two granddaughters on the way.

Ten Weeks Ago I was eagerly awaiting the birth of my second granddaughter, Temple.  Alex had just arrived home from Mexico for spring break.  My first husband and I began talking about getting remarried after 27 years of divorce, for logistic reasons. 

Ten Days Ago I was watering the garden and  preparing the school for a very hot day.  My first born granddaughter finally had a name: Fiona Quetzali Jubilee Vargas

Ten Hours Ago I was sleeping on half of my bed in the middle of an upside down living room.

Ten Minutes Ago  I was being hardass mom, and arguing with Camille because she came out of her room --- ON MOVING DAY -- to tell me she was leaving to go out to breakfast, then coming home and taking a nap before going shopping.  Not OK.

Ten Minutes From Now   I will be sorting and packing yarn.  Drinking a reheated Double Mocha the girls brought me from Starbucks last night (too late to drink).

Ten Hours From Now  I will be signing the lease on my house with the new tenants.  I will have everything packed up that I'm taking and the rest ready to sort and discard between throw away and recycle by June 1st.

Ten Days From Now  I will be watering the garden at school as the children arrive.

Ten Weeks From Now  I will be completing the summer program at school and getting ready to take Camille to college.  I will have said goodbye to all of my grandchildren as they moved away.  I will be learning a whole new lifestyle. 

Ten Months From Now   I will be ending another school year.  I will be settled and fit; much healthier in mind and body.  And I will be planning trips to visit my grandchildren in Vancouver, BC and Chicago.

Ten Years From Now  I will have a thriving school with wonderful teachers and I will be retired, happy, and enjoying every minute of my life with myself, my friends, my family, my hobbies, my volunteer work, and nature.  I will be as free as a bird, and satisfied having left a rich educational legacy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pay Dirt!

The thrill of the morning, of the WEEK actually was welcoming Jose, the big blue dump truck driver, as he delivered our topsoil for the garden. And we found out that he was our neighbor and we were invited to his garden to pick onions for our soup anytime we wanted.

heatwave and back talk

The temperature has soared this past week. Preschool has been a world of undies, water play and popsicles. Raw veggies and yogurt dip instead of our vegetable soup day, and puffed corn with bananas and rice milk instead of pasta. Actually, we didn't even bake last week. We left everything open at night and closed the coolness in for as long as we could in the morning. The blinds were drawn, lavender water from the spritzer bottle abounded. I think Thursday got to 104 degrees.

I've been asked what I offer to the children in my outdoor environment. I think these photos will describe some of it better than I can. It's all pretty natural and simple and I'm happy to share some ideas with you.

Recently we begged a huge pile of Mulberry branches from a house in town where they were trimming their trees. We have had so many uses for them. They will become the "planks" on the garden fence, as well as some other projects we completed: a couple rose trellises, a gateway arch and a teepee. And further than construction, they have become fishing poles with a little garden jute twine added:

I have big metal tubs for filling, lifting, carrying and sitting in, stones to climb on and buckets and watering cans to fill:

There are haybales all around that I change in configuration from circles to squares, which make excellent climbing "structures" as well as little hidey holes that children love.

In the fall I called a local arborist and asked him to keep an eye out for good stumps for the school. he delivered several large, wide, flat stumps that I placed in a circle. These have so many uses. Of course, for cimbing and balancing once again. And as tables for sandbox "baking", and one of them is set aside for "woodworking". I keep a bucket of roofing nails (short with wide heads) and small hammers and they can just pound for the sake of pounding (and hand/eye coordination). Notice in the background of the woodworking photo the children have taken a plank and made a bridge across two of the stumps.

And huge stones (which really can be purchased if need be) are there as places to rest, and climb, make waterfalls with the hose, and even fish!

It's great to have moist little green gardens, homes to the snails, frogs and fairies.

And always enough flowers for picking. After all, they decorate cakes, and feed the soul....