There is this one nurse in the chemo lab that always thanks me for being part of the trial. I never think about it much until she acknowledges it. It's on my mind this morning. Maybe this is my part. If just one mama or grandma, daughter or niece, sister or friend, wife or lover is saved from going down this road it is worth it.
It involves extra time. Extra needles. Extra tests and appointments. Extra side effects. Extra concern. And I will be in the trial for ten years. I think hearing "ten years", and feeling that I had an obligation that would keep me around for ten more years worked very subtly on my psyche.
When I got my diagnosis, had my mastectomy and was told the results of my biopsy by that first person: that five nodes weren't an immediate death sentence and that we'd talk about longevity I was overwhelmed and full of fear. I was a newbie and cancer was totally foreign to me. So when someone actually referred to "ten years down the road" I grabbed those words and ran with with them. I ran like the wind. In all honesty I didn't think at all about the altruistic part. I just wanted ten more years.
Now I feel good. I actually feel great. There has to be a cure down the road, and I pray it is this road I am walking for myself, for my sisters. I stand at the crossroads of Trial and Treatment and I feel blessed! I feel stronger and healthy and hopeful. I start back to work on November 1. And life goes on....