While this post may sound sad to others, it is a redemption song to me. It's how I am learning to grip all of this. I've been thinking a lot about how one dies. Of course, right? It's only natural when you have such a condition as I. What I'm noticing is that the Universe does it in bits and pieces as to be kind to you. To give you the opportunity to get a grip on the ending we all will face one day. To let go gradually. 'Put things in order' as they say. I'm not by any means saying I'm giving up soon, I have my vision set on marching forth and I am looking at my cancer as a chronic illness that is a message from my soul. So as I get my inner conflicts settled I trust my body to heal if this is my destiny. I know there will be some who think I'm nuts, but that's OK too. This one is a personal relationship between me and me.
So with that preface...A sweet little rag doll I have become. Something to hold dear and treasure for all it has been through. I like that. There are places where little pieces of me are removed and stitched back up. Sometimes holes are left and I just fill those holes with all the love I can muster for that part that used to live there.
Most days I dress my little rag doll in comfortable clothes. But then at night, when I undress her and look into the mirror, that's comfortable too. And I say "I love you" and tuck her into bed with me as stars twinkle outside my window through the trees, and I am looking forward to my dreams, and another beautiful morning.
I have a favorite doll and she is treasured.