Tracy's my girl, and I woke up this morning thinking of these lyrics as I get ready for infusion #10. That means 2 more to go of the chemo drugs that cause more challenging side effects. Two more at the end of 24 weeks total. That is an accomplishment.
And then I head to the mountains for a week. Wonderful friends have gifted me the use of their cabin, and with friends and family I will celebrate this amazing completion.
On the outside, as I trudge the path back to normal life, I am worse for the wear. Bald. No eyebrows or eyelashes. Heavier. Puffed round as a doughboy with edema. Numb hands and feet. Aching bones. Blurry vision and red rimmed eyes. But all this will turn back around.
Look inside and I am sporting a larger, lighter heart. An untroubled soul. And a joy and gratitude for each new day like I've never known. For each new breath there is a hallelujah. I have found the definition of living in the moment. Cancer with all of its stealth and uncertainties has done this for me.
I don't hate cancer. I absolutely don't trust it, and I want it to leave me the hell alone, but I don't hate it. It has been, and continues to be, a knuckle rapping teacher. Maestra Cancer.
Infusion #10 this morning - then I'm going to spend the rest of my day living my juicy life. I'm going to be creative and artistic and laugh a lot. Cause you know, as Tracy Chapman sings: "If not now, then when?"