Woman nearing sixty, and still trying to get it right. Stumbling the path toward the Divine. Discussing things like grandchildren, Waldorf education, dogs, aging parents, empty-nesting, and knitting luscious things once in awhile.
I've been reading a lot of spiritual works lately and finding a lot of peace within them. And the message across the board is clearly to believe in all good things and not to dwell of those things that don't make you feel good. Acknowledge them and then try to let them move out, making room for more gratitude.
I work on this every single day. I pray. I meditate. I look at someone who hits a raw nerve with more loving eyes trying to find the good. I recite positive affirmations in my head or even out loud in my car. I know that when I am successful at this loving place, I feel better. And usually I can handle it quite well.
In the most recent interview I listened to with Anita Moorjani, in describing the wisdom she brought back from her NDE, she explains that the state we want to try to achieve is the state of total acceptance. To let go of all fear and trust the Universe, trust ourselves as remarkable spiritual beings with a purpose, and to trust that we will know that purpose. To even let go of the striving.
I'm a Highly Sensitive Person, a double-Scorpio, and sometimes I just don't get it.
I can regularly find that place within my meditation practice, but it is a place of a peaceful, total void where nothing seems to be happening. I mean, peace is happening which is Divine; and I know my sunconscious is receiving messages for which I am grateful, but I want to find that place within my consciousness. I want to live that Divine. I want joy to be my daily norm.
So I continue to study and seek and practice.
I have spent a lifetime thinking about esoteric things. The spiritual. The occult. Maybe too much, because I get baffled when roads diverge. But the one apparent, common thread, is the importance of non-attachment.
Hmmmm...there's the paradox for today's Blue Plate Special.
As Elizabeth Barrett Browning once observed poetically: “Earth’s crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God.” Enjoy your day!
Yesterday the whole family worked together emptying Mom's house, it was a great, productive day. We were all just beat when we began wrapping it up. Mom lived on a pretty regularly traveled street, and while I was putting the last few things in my car one of Alex's buddies came walking by. Kind of at a fast pace, but (in hindsight) looking lost. My immediate thought was (knowing these kids) that he partied downtown the night before, didn't drive after he had been drinking, and that he was walking home, or to get his car, or something.
I was tired. Pleasant. But not engaging. I wanted to get home and not chat. He was pleasant, made 30 seconds of small talk and then kept going. I didn't stop doing what I was doing to really look at him. Had I taken the time to do that, I might have been able to be there for him. I might have given him some encouragement to open up. I might have given him a hug he needed.
But I didn't know until I got home that his Dad had died this day.
This Friday I cannot post my this moment photo without narrative, because it was just so much sweeter than the photo lets on.
On Tuesday after school, my little guy and I headed into The City to his favorite bookstore for him to resell some books, and to have some dinner out together. The whole event of him selling his books was delightful and hilarious to watch his earnestness. He was so happy to make $13.00!
But the touching moment happened when we went across the street to one of my favorite places, The Toy Boat Cafe.
While I waited at the counter to place our order, I watched as the young twenty something guy made a cheese and tomato sandwich on sliced sourdough, with a little lettuce, then cut off all the crust and placed it so carefully on a plate and walked off to serve it. My thought was, "How nicely they take care of the little ones here."
We sat down at a table and awaited our order. And then I noticed her. A very old, toothless, smiling woman sitting at the next table, all dressed in layers to keep herself warm. We exchanged smiles and a hello and then the young server approached her and I couldn't help but overhear...
She had come in wanting to write him a post-dated check because she was hungry and her "check hadn't come yet". He told her it was fine to just carry it as an IOU. She seemed sweetly grateful and a little embarrassed. She ate slowly (because it seemed it was still hard for her to chew) and then he approached again and so gracefully made small talk with her about the very cold weather and asked if she needed anything else, "A piece of pie and a warm up for your cup of coffee?" he asked with a coy, inviting smile. She said no, and I glanced over as he refilled her coffee cup around the bright red straw.
So sweet. So thoughtful. So kind. What a nice young guy. His mama should be proud.
We stopped at Vista Point to take in the Full Hare Moon, and I was once again, grateful for this amazing city.
The spiritual meaning of number Nine bring us to the very height of vibrational frequencies in this number sequence. Nine represents attainment, satisfaction, accomplishment, and our success to achieve an influence in our circumstances. The spiritual meaning of number Nine deals with intellectual power, inventiveness, influence over situations and things. Nine beseeches us to recognize our own internal attributes, and extend these abilities out into the world to make a positive, influential difference.
Satchel turns nine today, and his childhood rocks and rolls upon a sea as a vessel called Autonomy. On this azure sea, among all the twinkling stars that glisten radiant from the sun upon the water, his vessel Autonomy sails free from the Mother ship so slowly it's hardly recognizable. But anchors aweigh it is!
Perched at the binnacle we all watch the compass needle dart back and forth, jumping, settling into equilibrium as he explores the world North, South, East and West, and jumping fearlessly and independently once again.
Happy Birthday dear, sweet Pisces boy. Busha loves you and stands sentry to your growing, dinging the ships bell in your honor at every port. May your life always be blessed by the Neptune God! Full speed ahead Mister Captain!
I love the medium of watercolor. But today I want to paint the dream I had upon awakening, and I don't think watercolors will do the trick! This dream was so vivid and bright and beautiful. This dream took place in a produce market, something like Pike's Market in Seattle or Granville Island in Vancouver. But sometimes it appeared like a Whole Foods produce section. Overhead lights shown upon the fruits and veggies and they were a blanket of glistening bright color. I don't know if I could ever capture it with all the colors of the world.
I laid my olive green knitting down on top of some bright and shiny purple eggplants so that my hands were free to photograph John Lennon, who was there too. He stood in a black Madmen style suit and posed with my son Zak. He posed with Zak as both a man and a three year old. Both Zak's were in my dream. John Lennon was peace and kindness.