Word.

Molly Fisk is a writer from Nevada City, CA, that my cousin turned me onto. She is a woman who leads poetry workshops and does podcasts and writes thoughtful pieces that stay with you for days, even weeks. So last week, right after the new year, she wrote a great piece about foregoing the resolution and in its stead calling out for the universe to give you a word to focus upon throughout the year.

I was drawn to this idea, but was leery of my own psyche, because it can be quite cunning. I was certain it would quickly sort the words through a fine sieve and leave me with one that was easy. I wrote of my dilemma to Molly and she wrote back assuring me that the word would make itself known. She was right.

 It has taken some time, because I have been resistive to its negative sound. Certainly this isn't a word to carry forth into a brand new year where you want to be imbued with light and love. This word disagrees with everything I strive to be. But it keeps coming back to me loud and clear and seems to have signed a year lease for a home in my gut and settled in nicely. So I'm trying to be a thoughtful neighbor and get to know it.

Withhold

Back in the 80's when I used to attend co-dependent meetings, one of the main things I came away with was the knowledge that co-dependents gave away too much...too much of themselves, too much information, too much trust. Too much of a lot of things; but in getting to know my word these three too muches seem to speak to me and right now are all mine. And looking around my life and taking stock, this is my year to withhold and find balance.

Some of the things on my immediate list to hold onto are:

Sharing my thoughts with every Tom, Dick or Harry in the line at the grocery store. In other words: MYOB.

Doing more than my part.

Holding an uncomfortable situation quietly until I feel like I have organized the right words to speak, or even to just give it up to Spirit and not speak about it at all.

Saying 'yes' when 'no' is the best thing for me.

But the ultimate task of this word is learning to withhold my self incrimination for taking some of myself back. That will be the big lesson, I think. But I want to learn it.

 So I'm breathing, and loving, and learning. I'm not obsessing.  I'm working on things that arise without my Double Scorpio Death Grip or my Take All That I Am attitude. I'm staying middle-of-the-road-sane. 

No Death Grip.

No Rolling Over.

Just Withholding.

 

 

Comments

[Vickie]

I love this! It's exactly what I've been doing since my kids moved into their own lives - taking some of myself back . . . and not feeling guilty about doing it. What I've found is that it makes me feel more honest and true, less resentful and happy! (or not) It's really okay when I don't feel so happy and drop all that tiresome pretense. :)

[ellen]

It's a good word for you, and a right sized goal, I think. I hope this year will be a good one for you.

[Eileen Schmitz]

Thank you! My word is fearless which does not entail jumping from airplanes but does involve no fear in communication, self-care, and life. Thank you, thank you for your offering (says another Molly Fisk fan)

[Jo Ann]

Who are you? Your picture is there, your writing, I guess, and no name anywhere I can see.

[lakin]

Hi, love your post! Double Scorpio Death Grip; indeed, I do know what you mean. It's kind of amazing how these words find us. Molly Fisk inspired me to choose a Word for the Year too, and you inspired me to post about it. And include a link to your blog.