X Marks The Spot

Ike and I are staying at Grampy's house. If he is "Grampy" to Ike, then I bet you can guess who he is to me? My ex-husband. The father of three of my children. A best friendship that has developed over a long and adventurous, sometimes arduous process. There was a day when I tried everything to save our marriage...but a little too late. In all honesty and rational thinking, it was pretty much doomed from the start because I was only 16 and he was only 18 when we married. But we gave it a damned good try and lasted 11 years and 3 children together. Then there was the back and forths, stops and starts, on and off years. Then there came that day that we battled in the courtroom. Then there was that day that he remarried and had another child and my heart was broken once again, this time for my three children thinking that his paternal love was now diluted. Fast forward to the day that we both found ourselves divorced again, now with six children between us. At this point we began to venture in once again, dipping our baby toes into the realm of friendship. Past physical passion, across states, and recovery, and serious accident we tried one another on again as human beings. Co-parents. Friends. Both of us began to love our cooperative six as a whole. We joined together for things like camping trips and the long drive to Mexico for a Christmas vacation. We supported one another at our parent's funerals and our own grandchildren's births.

Sometimes the man drives me crazy...makes me insane...with his Type A personality. Like lately, he checks the dishes after I wash them to make sure they are clean. And sometimes they aren't up to his standards and he asks me, "Why even bother?" But he's "Just Mike-Being-Mike" and we all know and accept that this uptight side exists and we tease him unmercifully. And I'm sure the feeling's mutual. Likewise, I think I'm just a bit too easy-going (translate: discombobulated) and I make the hair rise on his arms. I drop crumbs and leave them for the dog to get (even though he doesn't have a dog). And I leave the bath mat wet. But we love each other, a lot. I trust him with my life and vice-versa. I'm comfortable here in his presence in my sweats with messy-morning-braid and no shower.

His home is comfortable. He bought an old vacation cottage and left it pretty much as it was. It's clean (oh is it clean!) and cluttered with man stuff. Such a sweet cottage with a "man's" feel. Standing at the inside end of his driveway and taking a photograph to my left and then to my right without moving my body one inch, this is the paradox within my lense: And Grampy's house is full of kindness. He no longer lives here alone, but welcomed Camille when she returned to Sonoma from a disappointing college try with nowhere to land because I was in Chicago (and he is not Camille's father)...and he welcomed his sister's daughter who was having trouble with a boyfriend and needed a new start. His heart is generous. He's kind of a big, gruff, loving daddy. And so, his three bedrooms are full. And while I am here? Ike and I have his room and he has moved out into his camper. His kitchen's fun.... His kitchen table stacked neatly with all the piles of mail he so graciously  collects and forwards to all of us who use his address as a mailing address while we go hither and yon.

His backyard lovely (once Ikey and I swept and raked and blessed with a traveling mug full of cut flowers.) Before: After: And so here I am, full circle, exiting through the other side of so many lessons into the calm pool past the rapids of romantic relationship. And this is what it looks like when we two people rode through the foaming whirlpools, neither one of us falling off the raft, share a life.

It's a great feeling of success to divorce well.

Comments

[Brooke]

I am so proud of both of my parents for this.
And thankful for the gift of wholeness in our family. When people my age get divorced and break up families, I let them know that while painful, this can truly be a Happy Ever After. I know we are!

I love you.
-Brooke

[SusieH]

So lovely. I love your good spirit, and it's obvious he has the same sort...

[Eileen]

absolutely beautiful. what an inspiration. i am struggling with being in the center of the opposite of this.. it makes living in harmony with all of the people I love difficult. at least in one place at one time. i hope one day they will be where the two of you are.

[soon-to-be-ex-wife]

the last line made me cry....I'm in the middle of a "D", and my hope is that I can be divorced well since the marriage part didn't go quite the way I envisioned....