Nocturnal OCD

Why is it that we awake in the night and obsess upon things that, sometimes plague us in the day but, often times, only bother us during the wee hours of the morning when the house is dark and quiet? For me, it can be something that I haven't thought about in months, even years. Things I thought I had worked out within my consciousness that resurface as if it were day one again. Sometimes things that don't have any relevance at all. Things like an old landlord that was unnecessarily unkind to me...years ago. Or times with deeper meaning, betrayal by a friend that never found resolve. Or an old lover who walked away without a word. Or that gross human error I know I made that could never be righted.

When these things rear up and look at me through the darkness, I torment myself for hours, searching for new resolve: I will try to make them better. But then when I drift back to sleep and soon find myself in a new day, the need disipates. Not because I find any kind of healing unnesssecary, but because I have already tried. Most probably, have already beaten this issue to a pulp looking for peace.

I'm a pretty upbeat person. Happy. Grateful. I try to be straightforward and compassionate in life. But at night, sometimes the boogie man comes. And I don't know what to do with him.

Comments

[Lil]

well that makes two of us. at night is the only time i truly get to myself, being a mother of a 3yr old...and you'd think that would mean i could organize my kitchen, or catch up on blogging, or hell even meditate the boogey man away...but i can't...i just can't.

so i've gone to a wonderful apothecary store in toronto and asked her to mix a herbal tea bled for someone with middle-of-the-night-is-when-i-do-my-best-thinking-and-self-deprecating-but-this-crazy-i-should-be-sleeping syndrome. i'm starting next week and will be drinking the swill, erm, concoction for a month. i'll keep you posted if you like...

peace,
Lil

ps. i know you're not always writing about brooke and her brood, i guess i like it over here!

[Meghon]

My husband and I have fixed up and sold 8 houses in the past 8 years, and those times you describe always seem to come when I am painting or doing some such "mindless" work. Strange, huh?

I have decided that some stuff doesn't really need rehashing -- or at least that I don't really get anywhere doing it. But other stuff does...I guess the trick for me is figuring out what's worth the time/effort and what's just old garbage. Chaff from the wheat, I suppose.

[Judith Shapiro]

Nocturnal OCD indeed. How we've all been there. Lovely post.