June 30, 2009

Homeless

Today I felt a little homeless. While I have so many places that welcome me, tonight I'm longing for my own home...with my own things all about me. I think I'm noticing it a lot more upon my return from nearly a month of staying at the homes of different family members. Returning last night I was aware that where I live in Chicago, while welcoming in most every way, is not my own home.

So tonight I'm feeling lost here in my little room. I want a kitchen table of my own with a pretty tablecloth: for eating and drawing and writing. I want to smell my soaps and my incense. I want to look out a curtained window. I want to live above ground again where the sun pours in the windows.

After 25 days on the road I am thinking of many different households where I laid my head down... soft beds, hard beds, blow up beds and floor mats. Different smells and different pets and different schedules and different neighbors. I cooked and served and I was served cooked food. I lived from this suitcase and then that one. I traveled by taxi and rented car and plane and ferry.  I'm missing so many people.

My etheric is still realing while my body sits here and blogs on the edge of my bed in Chicago; I have yet to settle back in. Like I said, I am still homeless.

I have many photographs to share with you. I just have to figure out how to present them so that they can make sense. For now, I'm saying goodnight.

June 25, 2009

There was an old woman...

...who lived in a shoe. Or a loft in Vancouver. But you get my drift. Be back with a newsy post asap. xoxoxoxo Vashon Island 2009 086 Vashon Island 2009 100

June 14, 2009

Poetic License

Last night I had dinner with my friend. My dear friend who I realize I miss so much. She was my boss, the principle at the school where I worked for so many years. She was a great boss, and is a now a great friend. She did my evaluations, year after year. There was a time when I thought I'd never have conversations like this with her. While visiting, I told her about my blog as a way to keep up with my life in Chicago. She asked me how I found the time to blog. She said she worries and edits everything she writes so many times that blogging would just be too cumbersome. I told her that I allow myself complete writing freedom on my blog page. I have noticed over the years of writing that when I find out someone new is reading my words I sometimes hesitate and wait to write when I have time to rough draft, etc. etc. into perfection. Those are often the times when weeks go by without an entry. Now I just write: what I'm thinking as I'm thinking it. If I have time to spellcheck I do. But usually, by the time I'm done with a post full of photos, a lot of time has passed and I need to move on with another part of my life...so up it goes, as is. Peotic lisence.

Yes, there are imperfections in my writing, as in my thoughts and in my actions. But that is where I like to connect: In the sacred space of being real.

This morning I am sitting here drinking my coffee and looking at the flowers she cut for me from her garden. Each blossom is so large. They make me marvel at the thought of editing in our humaness...and the miracle of these Dahlias and Black-Eyed Susans...that just...bloomed contentedly without any second guesses. Rachael's flowers 018

June 08, 2009

X Marks The Spot

Ike and I are staying at Grampy's house. Mike's house 395 Mike's house 390 If he is "Grampy" to Ike, then I bet you can guess who he is to me? My ex-husband. The father of three of my children. A best friendship that has developed over a long and adventurous, sometimes arduous process. There was a day when I tried everything to save our marriage...but a little too late. In all honesty and rational thinking, it was pretty much doomed from the start because I was only 16 and he was only 18 when we married. But we gave it a damned good try and lasted 11 years and 3 children together. Then there was the back and forths, stops and starts, on and off years. Then there came that day that we battled in the courtroom. Then there was that day that he remarried and had another child and my heart was broken once again, this time for my three children thinking that his paternal love was now diluted. Fast forward to the day that we both found ourselves divorced again, now with six children between us. At this point we began to venture in once again, dipping our baby toes into the realm of friendship. Past physical passion, across states, and recovery, and serious accident we tried one another on again as human beings. Co-parents. Friends. Both of us began to love our cooperative six as a whole. We joined together for things like camping trips and the long drive to Mexico for a Christmas vacation. We supported one another at our parent's funerals and our own grandchildren's births.

Sometimes the man drives me crazy...makes me insane...with his Type A personality. Like lately, he checks the dishes after I wash them to make sure they are clean. And sometimes they aren't up to his standards and he asks me, "Why even bother?" But he's "Just Mike-Being-Mike" and we all know and accept that this uptight side exists and we tease him unmercifully. And I'm sure the feeling's mutual. Likewise, I think I'm just a bit too easy-going (translate: discombobulated) and I make the hair rise on his arms. I drop crumbs and leave them for the dog to get (even though he doesn't have a dog). And I leave the bath mat wet. But we love each other, a lot. I trust him with my life and vice-versa. I'm comfortable here in his presence in my sweats with messy-morning-braid and no shower.

His home is comfortable. He bought an old vacation cottage and left it pretty much as it was. It's clean (oh is it clean!) and cluttered with man stuff. Such a sweet cottage with a "man's" feel. Standing at the inside end of his driveway and taking a photograph to my left and then to my right without moving my body one inch, this is the paradox within my lense: Mike's house 404 Mike's house 403 And Grampy's house is full of kindness. He no longer lives here alone, but welcomed Camille when she returned to Sonoma from a disappointing college try with nowhere to land because I was in Chicago (and he is not Camille's father)...and he welcomed his sister's daughter who was having trouble with a boyfriend and needed a new start. His heart is generous. He's kind of a big, gruff, loving daddy. And so, his three bedrooms are full. And while I am here? Ike and I have his room and he has moved out into his camper. Mike's house 412 His kitchen's fun.... Mike's house 389 His kitchen table stacked neatly with all the piles of mail he so graciously  collects and forwards to all of us who use his address as a mailing address while we go hither and yon.

Mike's house 406


His backyard lovely (once Ikey and I swept and raked and blessed with a traveling mug full of cut flowers.) Before: Mike's house 398 After: Mike's house 433 And so here I am, full circle, exiting through the other side of so many lessons into the calm pool past the rapids of romantic relationship. And this is what it looks like when we two people rode through the foaming whirlpools, neither one of us falling off the raft, share a life.

It's a great feeling of success to divorce well.

June 04, 2009

I'm Goin' Home

Ike and I fly out tonight at 8pm...we're goin home to California for 25 days. This is my first ever, long trip with a grandchild.  It's a new and cherished event on my path.  The trip will include Sonoma for 2 weeks to just hang with family and friends. Then we're packing it up in a rented van and 9 of us, and heading up to Vashon Island to a Summer Solstice weekend/family reunion. It's going to be a weekend of camping on my ex-sister-in-law's property on the island, and she has planned a full yet soul-nurturing schedule: bonfires, communal cooking and eating, dancing and drumming, hiking, a biographical art project for the adults led by a local artist, children's special activities, and I'm sure with our family, crazy fun. Brooke and Matt and the children are coming down from Vancouver to join us too. And then on Monday, we'll head back up to Vancouver for a week...5 of the 9....and be together some more. This week will be spent outdoors. I'm just brimming over to experience the glory of Vancouver in the summer.  Here's our visit in Brooke's words from her blog:

"In three weeks, we are going to Vashon Island off of Seattle for a family reunion.  A real reunion.  With the Sonoma family and the Chicago family and the Vashon cousins.  From there, my brother and his honey Heather, my sister Camille, my mom and my nephew Ike are all coming home with us to spend a week in Vancouver.  A whole week.  I can't wait.  To have all of us here, wall to wall beds, with messy suitcases and tons of laughter and snoring and farting and jokes and love.  I am excited already for the beautiful chaos."

It will all culminate when Brooke crosses the finish line of her half-marathon run on Sunday, June 28th. We'll be there cheering her in! But recently I told her I was wondering what she was so proud of...I mean...I ran 13 miles too. Easy, Granted, they began in 1989 and ended in 2009...

Then back to Seattle for the flight home to Chicago. Sound like fun? Stay tuned cause I do believe it's going to be "blog worthy" (which is now a family term that began a couple of Thanksgivings ago, when I told one family member that their plate was definitely "blog-worthy" and someone elses was NOT. I haven't lived that down and probably never will.) Adios!

June 03, 2009

Two Posts In One Day!

But I'm absolutely in love with the little ruffled tank top I'm making for Temple. It's a knitty.com free pattern, Monica, I found online. Here is the link:

http://knitty.com/ISSUEspring07/PATTmonica.html

 I'm nearly finished with the front, I only need to finish the straps. I'm making it out of Rowan's wool/cotton blend. I love this yarn: feels like a soft cotton but has more elasticity. And it's washable. these colors are pretty true to what you see in the photos. The body is a silver-heather dusty purple, and the ruffles and straps are an icy, dusty blue/gray. (Wait. Dusty Ice? Oh well.) I can just see it next to Temple's eyes and coloring. Temple's Ruffled Tank 001 Temple's Ruffled Tank 002 Temple's Ruffled Tank 003 It's such an easy knit...very travelable. Speaking of which, I leave for Cali tomorrow and although Jahan's packing is complete for their trip, I haven't even begun to pack for myself. What in the hell am I doing knitting?

OH! And the big news? Ike is coming on vacation with me to California, Vashon Island and Vancouver...for 25 days! His first time away from home for so long without Mama and Poppi. He'll be just fine.  C'mon, it's his BUSHA....and he'll have all the rest of his family too.  And then for the grand finale, cousin Satchel in Canada!

Second Time's A Charm

I'm so into recycled wool sweaters and all that you can do with them. I have a zippered storage cube of thrift store wool sweaters just awaiting my next whim. After a few weeks of, "Wow! The weather is so warm now..." we've had some chilly days. This, coupled with the fact that Jahan has had some fevers with his new teeth coming in inspired me to create some quickie baby leggings for him to wear while he crawls on the wood floor. While he's dressed down to a onesie to help keep his fever down, his little legs feel chilled from the cold floor. Jahan big teeth 005 So, I took the sleeves of a woman's size medium sweater, used the cuff for the thigh portion of the legging, and crocheted a cotton cuff for the ankle end (decreasing a couple of stitches with each round ad I went). These took me less than an hour and they are perfect for our need! I'm sure I'm not the first to think of this, but now, for me, it's tried and true. Misc late may 098 Misc late may 099 Misc late may 101

May 30, 2009

Trailer Trash

Redneck-mansion



I think I'm trailer trash. But then, I don't get the "trash" part of it. Basically, I love trailers. My family of origin did a lot of camping when I was growing up. And then one time when I was around 9 and we were camping on the Mc Cloud River in Northern California, a huge bear came into our camp. Have you ever smelled a bear? There's really no missing it. Thank gawd he/she bear was content with the Hershey bars and milk cartons found in our cooler (which he/she easily smashed like an accordian!) When my dad could hear it sniffing about outside our heads, and smelled it , it was pretty scary with only a thin sheet of canvas between Bear and Family.  We had met only one other family downriver. And after that trip, my parents always owned a trailer while I was growing up. Of course this decision was 98% mom-directed.


Shopping for these trailers was a Fantasy Land to me. Mom and Dad viewed and haggled, while I was invited into one open door after another. Each interior a virtual playhouse, where I was  hostess to a plethera of make believe friends and imaginings. Car pulling trailer

And once we owned one, off season it became the clubhouse of sleepovers and slumber parties out in my driveway. Little girls, laughing until late into the night in our own little fort. Music and hair styling and sweets and soda and nail polish. The garish turquoise patterned curtains that felt like home in there, but Mom wouldn't be caught dead with in our house on Cedar Avenue.

And delightful summers at the Safari Trailer Park in Avery, CA, which (at that time in the sixties, but sadly shabby last time I drove through in 2001) hosted green sprawling lawns, huge shade trees, crystal clear swimming pool, horseshoes, shuffleboard, and exploring-paths galore, through huge rocks, manzanita, and pine. There was Squaw Rock, along with the legend that an Indian Maiden was buried underneath it, and from atop it's heights, I expected Little Joe Cartwright to call down his deep love to me anyday now. There was the deserted old shack, where we kids shimmied through a broken board, into a treasure trove of old colored bottles and trunks of old linens. The quiet, stuffy sunlight of summer pouring though the cracks and resting on the spiderwebs and dust mites in the sleepy air.

And always back to our very little home bedecked with a huge piece of astroturf under an awning strung with colored plastic lanterns, a long picnic table with benches, chaise lounges, a transistor radio, a barbecue, kerosene lanterns and laughter. Breakfast cooked in the electric skillet that plugged into the outside wall of the trailer. Bacon or trout caught fresh that morning, and eggs, and pancakes.  Quick lunchtime sandwiches with iced tea or Kool-Aid at the picnic table, while we took our short break from the pool area each noon. Card games, 16 Magazine, roasted marshmallows, star-gazing and warm cocoa by night. 16 magazine

In the evenings we would walk through the park when the air finally cooled, and nod friendly nods to other families enjoying the evening in their astroturf yards. Folks from all over the state, all leaving work and school behind to live together, for this short era called summer, for rest, and slow living, and family time. Good Neighbors, in this little tin can town in the Calaveras Redwoods.  A place of pure enjoyment that boasted a single, dusty path through a dried, thigh high, grassy field into the "real town" which consisted of one general store, a one-window post office and a gas station (with "pops" for sale in the bright yellow refrigerator cooler where you could pull out a wet, icy bottle of pop, and reach down and flip off the cork-lined bottle top and listen to it clink down into the receptacle. Life was "tidier" then, a place for everything. Then along came pop tops, and Jimmy Buffet, and...well you know the rest.) Cork bottle caps

All of us visitors to this simple place, no one living in the park regularly with the exception of the managers. Our trailer was an Aristocrat. And then we had an Oasis. And then when we moved our "summer home" to South Lake Tahoe, it was a 2 bedroom Broadmoor. All these perfectly tidy, easily maintained, one-room homes on wheels that hold my heart. Tin treasure chests full of shiny memories. Once before the official "move" from the Redwoods to Lake Tahoe, we were pulling our trailer from one place to the next so we could enjoy both places on our vacation.  I remember we took a "short-cut" and ended up on a desolate road high up there in the mountains and our trailer couldn't make the turn.  We all had to get out of the car and stand by the side of the road while dad sweated and cussed that trailer into submission.  I was pretty young, but I remember it vividly.  I think I even remember it was "Highway 4".  (I have no real idea, and I'm going to check out my accuracy after I finish posting!)

And someday? I will own a little camper trailer that rides on the back of a truck, that I will drive to anywhere and everywhere, stopping where I damned well please, setting up camp next to a stream, a river or the ocean, or in a park with swimming pool and green lawn; reading, knitting, barbecuing, walking, with my kids, and grandkids, or just my dog, nodding hello to the other folks from other places...that is my dream.  My simple dream.

The one that makes my heart sing. 

May 17, 2009

Lily-Livered-Luke

Or at least I think he still has a liver. Last night around nine, while walking to a friend's house, I got two lillies...from my drunk neighbor.... who forgot who I was. I thought he was passed out or throwing up, but he was down there picking flowers. I said, "I know you, Luke, we've introduced ourselves before." He said, "I was prolly drunk that time." "Prolly?" No. Definitely. Just like now. hahahaha But thanks for the beautiful little flowers. :) Jahan's birthday party 050

May 15, 2009

Mortons....again.

After a very very very very very long winter, the arboretum is so inviting I cannot stay away. Every day off finds me there. Tomorrow is Jahan's birthday party, but Sunday I'm going back for some more hiking. Last weekend the weather was perfect and the place was stunningly spring. The area is 1700 acres, divided into the west (meadows, lakes, prairies) and the east (woods, swamps). So there are so many places to go. Different paths intersect the main roads, and each path is circular so there's no getting lost. This is such a great place to bring your camera. I think I got some pretty good photos to share the present springtime beauty with you...and of course, if you click on them to view larger they are much more splendid! Mortons 011 Mortons 013 Mortons 015 Mortons 043 Mortons 074 Mortons 075 Mortons 102 Mortons 103 Mortons 112 Mortons 119 Mortons 127 Mortons 137 Mortons 141 Mortons 144 Mortons 149